Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
