So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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