White coat. Heels.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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