I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
