My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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