"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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