You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
