he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
