I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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