We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Come back. Shots need mouths.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
