i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
