Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
