i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I need to wash the frat house off of me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
