I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
