my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wish you could order shots online.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
