New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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