VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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