What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
