if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
