The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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