she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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