One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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