Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
