it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
