they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
