Moan for me like Helen Keller
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
