on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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