I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
