This is not my ceiling
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
