she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
