So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
