Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
