i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
handjob tips. give me some.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
