That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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