Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
