seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
