Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
