I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
