like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
