The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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