This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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