just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
