why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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