I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
