is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
