Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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