I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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