he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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