Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
