is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How does one acquire holy water?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
