Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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