my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
